5 Reasons You Want A Zombie Apocalypse

Acting Like a Dick, Without Consequence

As humanity evolved and formed larger and larger societies that had to cooperate more and more, we have come a long way with the things like “empathy,” “ethics” and “caring.” Human society has rules in place that try to keep an ordered balance between people. In this day and age, it is hard to be too much of a dick without some sort of repercussions.

That’s why the collapse of society is key in a Zombie Apocalypse. It is said that nice guys finish last. Well, nice guys also get eaten by zombies.

Without pesky “rules” and “laws” and “social conventions” you’ll be free to do pretty much anything you want, to anybody. Sure, you may not immediately launch into a rape and torture spree, but how long could you resist the urge to break a few windows downtown? Or go to Yankee Stadium and poop in the batter’s box?

And if, say, it comes down to you and a dozen women to help repopulate the world, you would gladly perform your duty to mankind.

A Zombie Apocalypse provides the kind of freedom the antisocial youth of today could only dream of, in real life anyway. Watch those same kids inside the world of the Grand Theft Auto games and you see their fantasies come out. The whole selling point of that game’s universe isn’t the main missions, it’s all the stuff you can do on the side. Driving a car through a supermarket, ramping a motorcycle into a swimming pool.

Or finally quit pants altogether.

We’re just waiting for an outlet. From the moment we were toddlers until today, life has been all about not knocking over the lamp or spilling your drink or peeing in your bed. It’s a fragile world where some grownup complains every time you put a scratch on it. Well, to hell with that. An apocalyptic world is a world where nobody cares what you break. The world is your oyster, albeit a very gangrenous and flesh-eating oyster.

So, sure, part of the fantasy is making your way to the Pentagon and barricading you and your band of survivors inside. But step two is to turn the thing into the world’s largest indoor motocross track.


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